A New Devious Chapter

While I was at Lux's we watched a youtube video someone put up that after watching, I found myself wanting to do some writing on the subject as well.  Something that I felt some pull to share my own experiences with, because while it seemed obvious to Lux after this long, most people don't know how to navigate.  I had been having some issues with it recently, and thought that perhaps if I shared some information about it, things might have more potential to go well in the future. It took a bit before I finally sat down the write it, but once I looked at the first draft, I sent it to Lux in hopes that he would give it another set of eyes.  The piece itself definitely needed a readover by someone else before I could post it somewhere. The next day, I asked him if he had looked at it, and he said that he hadn't.  I assured him that there was no rush, but he made sure to say that because he said he would do it, he would be sure to do it that night. And when I read that single m

 In  the past month or so, I've managed to have a lot of small moments that really hit hard.  For the most part, they've been really positive, so I want to make sure that I share them here.  They're all a bit different though, which makes me think they'd all make decent posts individually. The first one happened when Lux was here near July 4th.  The week prior I was doing a heavy clean up on my room, and put together all the things that were his that he had forgotten forever, because I was just holding them aside in various places.  Since I was trying to really sort through things, I made up a little bag of it all, and the book I had suggested he read, to give to him when I saw him. And because I am made of anxiety, I worried about doing this.  That he would take the wrong idea from it, and think I was cutting ties in whatever way.  I had second thoughts on giving him back his own things, because I was worried about how he would respond. When he got here though, once we

 I'm home now, and trying to get back to routine, and sorted out for the coming weeks.  I was ready to go home and get back to getting things done, and return to my life, but at the same time, it was hard to leave after two years without a long visit like that, and knowing when I would have the chance for it again.  We're very unlikely to let things take that long again though, which is affirming. Not everything was wonderful though.  On one of my last nights there, Lux had said we would play.  More than just some rough body play, we would use toys, and spend time for a right proper whoopin'.  I cleaned up a bit during the day, and we did a grocery order so that I could make pizza for us for dinner.  Unfortunately, as we sat down to play a silly game, and enjoy the pizza, he got called last minute to essentially work an all nighter. At first I was hoping that we would have time in between the bits of work that he had mentioned.  I didn't realize that everything was brok

 I'm currently at Lux's, on my first long visit just to see him in about two years.  Between the pandemic, and needing schedules to line up, until his recent visit to me, the only thing we've been able to do are those short little overnights at my place. There's certainly been a bit of adjustment again, as we get used to living around each other.  Things like sharing a bed in an apartment I haven't visited to before, and getting things done in a new office space together.  We adjust quickly though, knowing how to work with the other at this point, for the most part anyway.   It's a good break from some things, and I think a necessary change of pace for us both.  There's been lots of little reassurances for us just being us, and moments of talking about where we want different things to go.  Quiet moments of ambition and desire that make me feel happy and driven to make everything work. We also took a day to see some friends that I hadn't seen in a year o

 I noticed myself feeling a certain way after visiting Dansa, and having Scar visit.  I had finished my books for the year, after drawing and editing like mad.  I had then hopped onto making chainmail, which had me working through thousands of rings in just a few days. I was burning out on creating things, and wanted to put those down, but know that I need some sort of projects to work on or I start feeling a bit crappy as well. Well, Squishy left and I started cleaning through my room.  A heavy deep clean through all of my things, and sorting everything out that had found the wrong home.  In looking about, I wound up finding more of my supplies.  This time, some mohair that I had intended to give to Pyre to dye, as well as all my cord and embroidery thread. It reminded me of how much I do, and how much I make.  I decided to make a collection of kumihimo pieces, and made a small shawl in hopes of selling it soon.  Seeing it also made me remember the needlepoint projects that I had on d

After the blow up my father had, I was honestly in a bit of an unhealthy space.  I didn't feel safe in my own home, and my mother was also frustrated with him over trying to make plans to travel.  She was ready to drop the possibility of a trip altogether, because he was fixated on doing one specific thing, which she didn't really want to do. Surprise, they did what he wanted anyway, but they were gone for a handful of days, which gave me a break from them, and allowed me to actually feel like I had my own space, in some ways.  Oliver and I managed perfectly well together, and in many ways my mind used it as a way to force a self care break of just not doing for a few days. Lux also visited, and we spent more time together without doing anything in particular than we'd had in almost two years.  Because of the pandemic, we'd only had shorter visits with each other, so it was good to have time when as soon as I saw him, I wasn't already concerned with when he would le

 As soon as Squishy left for her first span of time with the gnome this summer, the old man had a massive blowup towards me.  I never even said a full sentence to him, and tried to be calm, and he wound up screaming so that the room shook, saying things with a clearly malicious intent.  Without going into much more detail about it, the situation was bad enough that while I was in tears outside, afraid to go into my own home, Oliver was pacing in front of me watching the door to the house guarding me. Later that night, after I had informed my mom what happened, he came into my room and said he was sorry.  While shrugging, he just said "We were exchanging words and it got heated". I had nothing to say on the matter.  I couldn't tell him it was alright, or anything like that, because it wasn't.  His actions are constantly in line with that behavior, and only escalating.  Not only that, but what he had said just showed that he wasn't even aware of what had happened.