A New Devious Chapter

 I'm finally home from my trip to Israel with Rabbit.  We spent ten days halfway across the world together, spending very little time apart, navigating new things, airports, long days, and family gatherings.  I will admit that while I wasn't all that worried about spending the time together, it was a major thing, and would definitely be a test of our relationship. However, the entire time, we were close, and happy, and consistently affectionate with each other.  His parents kept sending us off places, seeing us holding hands, talking, sharing stories, and excited to experience things.  For a trip where we were walking about fifteen miles a day, in heavy heat, and doing fairly intense things, and in awkward situations, we ultimately had each other's best interest at heart, and wanted to take care of each other no matter what was happening. And we saw so much.  I feel like I got a birthright tour in a week and a half, with a wedding somewhere in the middle.  At times, it felt

 One day my parents get home and I help them bring in some rocking chairs that need to be assembled.  They're going to be put together in the house, and then put on the front porch, my mom having finally decided on what she wanted.  The old man asks me about something he doesn't know about, then starts yelling at me when I go to explain it, because apparently I'm wrong, even though he didn't know to start. I went upstairs afterward, and thought about it.  I thought about how different my relationship now is with Rabbit.  How we listen and care, making sure to respond rather than react.  We learn from each other, both with the questions we ask, and as well how to respond to issues.   There's a part of my mind that's constantly yelling because of it.  That love and a relationship can't be this peaceful.  Something this healthy and considerate must be a trick.  It tells me that I should run, before I'm torn apart, abused in pieces like so many times before.

 For a couple of months now, I've had the feeling that Rabbit and I are gonna make it for the long haul.  We're both committed to us, and have created a patient, caring relationship that is the complete opposite from everything I've ever experienced.  In many ways, we still have the comfortable friendship we've always had, just with the loving space of a relationship on top of that strong foundation.  I realized one day, that I wanted to make him a permanent part of my life, and even started quietly looking at rings for him. At first, I didn't tell him.  I didn't want to feel too forward, and had a lot of anxiety over some of the surrounding issues, and the logistics of them which were very in the air.  Eventually though, while spending time with him, he started tiptoeing around similar topics, and I called him out on it.  He begrudgingly admitted to feeling about the same way, but didn't go into details then.  For a couple of days afterward, we danced aroun

 A while ago, probably near the end of March, my old man asked me what was up with Rabbit and I and our relationship.  Having just passed being together for six months, I sort of shrugged and said that it's still a relatively new relationship.  He just asked if it was looking like we might live together at some point.  I told him that I still liked him, but not much past that. I wasn't going to tell him that we had just talked about some day living together.  Likewise, I wasn't going to even remotely mention that I had already been looking at rings to pop the question to Rabbit. So he started on about how we've been dating for a while, and how he liked him, and then kept saying all the things that reminded Rabbit of himself. And I won't lie, there was a moment as he said it that my brain tried telling me that because he liked my boyfriend, I couldn't.  That anyone like him was going to be horrible for me, and anyone he likes is clearly not the right option.  As

Rabbit and I are at an amount of time where it's just on that verge of being considered a long term relationship, and yet due to having very long previous relationships, still feels short.  It's only just about seven months altogether, but is still at a point where we now feel settled in in many ways. And one of the things that I recently had seen, as well as having talked about, was that most couples stop dating once they become exclusive, and find some routine in simply existing around each other.  That most couples spend their time watching tv together, not talking, or discussing, or doing anything to grow themselves or their relationship.  It causes stagnation, or even the seeds of resentment if the timeline goes long enough. We still try to find pockets of time, whenever we can, to go on little adventures together.  Even if it's just taking a short drive to somewhere to walk around, we get time when we can focus on each other, our relationship, and strengthening our bo

 While Rabbit and I were sharing a myriad of things, the conversation bounced around and we got to talking about the idea of intimacy.  We spoke about how for most people, intimacy and romance is exclusively surrounding the physical, and sexual aspects of a relationship.  Then we agreed that on the scale of things, for us that's fairly low, and we enjoy that. And I'm fairly certain I've written about this before, but I am feeling more appreciative of it now, after having the talk which makes it more relevant.   We talked about how it's the hard conversations that feel intimate for us.  The times that we can share, and open our hearts and feelings to each other.  The times when we curl up and share our favorite movies, or show each other the things that shaped us into who we are.  Things like sharing food, or a quiet cup of coffee.  Lending books, or just curling up on the couch and sharing memories.  Talking about our anxieties, and fears, and feeling safe to do so.   F

 I spent a weekend that I initially wasn't planning to with Rabbit again.  Well, we were planning on it, to the point of him initially taking the weekend off of work.  When we both got the plague however, I suggested he swap to his normal work schedule, and I would stay home to try and get more caught up on things.  Then he mentioned his parents wanting to have a talk with me before we left the country about expectations and all, and because we didn't know when they were leaving, we decided it was best for me to go with him again. Well, his parents aren't leaving for almost another month, so we didn't need to rush, but it was a good dinner to have with them.  I'll be there in the middle of Passover, so we'll have the whole talk then.  There was a funny moment though, when his father said that I need to start speaking Hebrew, and I told him I was working on it, having never mentioned that I was learning previously.  He asked how it was coming along, and I just to