A New Devious Chapter

 While I'm finally getting back to being productive with a lot of things, and finding my way in juggling everything I do, I'm also taking on even more new things this month.  I'm writing for more platforms, sharing some writing amongst different platforms, and at the same time, trying to figure out the logistics of all these things.  That means design projects, timeline organization, as well as figuring exactly how much time I have, and will need to do all of these things. To top that off, I'm trying to do more to take care of myself at the same time again.  With so much travel back and forth, I tend to quickly let go of physical care for me, and that isn't the best in the long run.  I'm trying to make sure I integrate that into my day as well, and I need to figure out how that can stay a habit even when I travel, because summer means more long stays with Rabbit. So many new things also means that I need to remember the things that are a little less urgent or fi

As I continue to get caught up on things here, I was reminded of something that happened about a week before leaving for Israel.  There was a massive relationship landmark, which for many, would now consider Rabbit and I, nearly eight months in at the time, to have a real relationship finally.  Amusingly enough, we didn't even realize it at the time, but we wound up having our first fight.  And of all things, it was about money in a way, which makes it count double. Leading up to the trip, I had wanted to send Rabbit money to cover expenses.  His parents wanted me to pay them back for the ticket, which I was prepared for, and likewise intended to pay for everything else I did.  We both use different platforms to send funds normally, so I asked him to set up one so that I could send him money, and brought it up regularly, in the months and weeks leading up to the trip. Well, while many times he legitimately forgot, and I try to stay patient because he can't juggle as many things

 It took a few weeks after traveling, honestly.  With trying to get everything as caught up and ahead as it needed to be, and juggling preparation for a major trip, I was constantly working at my maximum for the weeks leading up to Israel.  Then while I had intended to get some things done, I only worked for maybe two hours total in those two weeks, along with the frantically changing plans due to things happening as soon as we were back in the states. The first week back was a hobble of a return to routine.  I was doing the things I needed to do, sure.  I got Squishy off to school every day, but jet lag had me getting tired early.  Anything that had a deadline was being met, but anything extra in those beginning days, I just didn't have the energy for.  Luckily, I had prepared for that, and was ahead on as much as possible for the entirety of May.  Knowing I'd only have about a week home before another night at Rabbit's and having to do some prep for his birthday didn'

While in Israel, I was talking to my mother, and she mentioned an old friend was cleaning her pond, and wound up shattering her ankle.  She would need some heavy surgery, and my parents intended to go out there for a couple of days to help give a hand as she recovered.  I told her we would look at dates once I got home, but I planned to be gone for most of the weekend after I returned, because it was Rabbit's birthday.  She asked for then twentieth time when his birthday was, and I reminded her, with the same landmark of being the day after my grandmother. A few days later and I'm back in the states.  We have a day or so to recover from jet lag, but rather than just some relaxing sleep and getting through a mountain of laundry, Rabbit was in the middle of moving rooms around, due to some roommate issues, and other friends moving in.  We got a call during our trip that had Rabbit dreading conversations that needed to happen, and were keeping him from sleeping.  He had a plan in

 I'm finally home from my trip to Israel with Rabbit.  We spent ten days halfway across the world together, spending very little time apart, navigating new things, airports, long days, and family gatherings.  I will admit that while I wasn't all that worried about spending the time together, it was a major thing, and would definitely be a test of our relationship. However, the entire time, we were close, and happy, and consistently affectionate with each other.  His parents kept sending us off places, seeing us holding hands, talking, sharing stories, and excited to experience things.  For a trip where we were walking about fifteen miles a day, in heavy heat, and doing fairly intense things, and in awkward situations, we ultimately had each other's best interest at heart, and wanted to take care of each other no matter what was happening. And we saw so much.  I feel like I got a birthright tour in a week and a half, with a wedding somewhere in the middle.  At times, it felt

 One day my parents get home and I help them bring in some rocking chairs that need to be assembled.  They're going to be put together in the house, and then put on the front porch, my mom having finally decided on what she wanted.  The old man asks me about something he doesn't know about, then starts yelling at me when I go to explain it, because apparently I'm wrong, even though he didn't know to start. I went upstairs afterward, and thought about it.  I thought about how different my relationship now is with Rabbit.  How we listen and care, making sure to respond rather than react.  We learn from each other, both with the questions we ask, and as well how to respond to issues.   There's a part of my mind that's constantly yelling because of it.  That love and a relationship can't be this peaceful.  Something this healthy and considerate must be a trick.  It tells me that I should run, before I'm torn apart, abused in pieces like so many times before.

 For a couple of months now, I've had the feeling that Rabbit and I are gonna make it for the long haul.  We're both committed to us, and have created a patient, caring relationship that is the complete opposite from everything I've ever experienced.  In many ways, we still have the comfortable friendship we've always had, just with the loving space of a relationship on top of that strong foundation.  I realized one day, that I wanted to make him a permanent part of my life, and even started quietly looking at rings for him. At first, I didn't tell him.  I didn't want to feel too forward, and had a lot of anxiety over some of the surrounding issues, and the logistics of them which were very in the air.  Eventually though, while spending time with him, he started tiptoeing around similar topics, and I called him out on it.  He begrudgingly admitted to feeling about the same way, but didn't go into details then.  For a couple of days afterward, we danced aroun