A New Devious Chapter

You know that post I had a couple weeks ago about thinking I capable now of things I was completely broken over a year ago? Yea, well, I had the chance to actually test some of  that out recently. It went fantastically. It wasn't really set up beforehand, but everyone was aware of everyone else's situation, and limits to respect.  It was comfortable, and everyone involved walked away happy. Honestly, I've never had a threesome actually go that well before.  Had I not been packing up from performing at a faire, I would have wanted to just snuggle and revel in it for an hour or so afterward. It gives me so much hope for the future, and really proves to me that people can make all the difference with every interaction. Also, knowing how nervous Lux was and how happy he was afterward just over the fact that I was as good with it as I was made me find him that much more amazing. On a side note, this was the first time that I've done anything to a girl and had it

As a teenager, I was usually the one being dumped.  My relationships didn't last long (and in fact, I think nothing that lasts less than a month actually counts, which means a good lot of them don't) but it was the same issue every time. Not that we fought. Not that cheating occurred. Not that we hurt the other in any way. No, the thing  that each one of them didn't stand for was that it just felt like we were good friends who fooled around.   And who was I to argue.  They were dating a teenage sociopath.  There isn't going to be this soul-stopping connection. Then I found Kitty, and experienced what actual romantic love was. It wasn't a crush.  It wasn't this all consuming thing.   I felt inspired. I noticed myself grow, evolve, and be happier as a person, whether he was around or not. And when I did think about him, or talk to him, or spend time with him, I felt at peace. It didn't matter what drama was happening, or the issues g

Recently I've noticed that the downfalls of social media have appeared in my conversations with friends.  How it triggers them in ill ways, makes them want to talk to others less, and in general, brings them down. It seems as though the resource we use to create connections, and sprouts convenience also causes depression and disappointment, which shouldn't have to go hand in hand. And, to be honest, I entirely understand why.  It's basic human logic, and something that even I am guilty of at certain points in my life. We're taught to share the bad.  That talking it out, and venting will help, and others will listen, and embrace us in care and aid.  So every small thing we encounter we spew onto the feeds of others, unable to process and deal with any of it ourselves.  Why should we take on that weight alone, if hundreds of others can give a hand, and make the load lighter?  So we see negativity, expecting others to step in and help, despite their own issues, which

Ok, so very few people are going to understand that title.  Nerdcookies to those who do. I've got a few buttons on my person that can actually change my demeanor completely. No, I don't quite mean in the way that harmful triggers do.  Not the things that cause others to curl up, panic, and need to calm themselves. They're buttons that when someone makes contact with them, a certain part of my mind takes over, and it's completely different with each one. No, this isn't a cheat sheet to where they are.  Really, that's just taking out all the fun. However, I've got three, so learning where they are can be really handy for the right person.  Or dangerous, considering... The first one brings about violence.  It's technically two buttons at once, but they are easy and convenient to hit at the same time.    The slightest bit of pressure on them will have me swinging in a blood rage, trying to tear apart whoever was so (un)fortunate as to hit them.  T

I know you're moving, and probably won't read this until a day or two after it goes live, due to your own exhaustion, and being busy. Then again, you tend to look for those few minutes of escape to read things here, so you may get to it as soon as you are out of the car after your long ass drive to the frozen north. I am sorry you feel so worried about me through all of this.  I know I steel myself over from almost everything, which makes me difficult to read.  Admittedly, the first week after you said you were moving I was terrified.  You would find some scene up there, fall into place, meet some girl (or boy, or both!), and fall away like so many other people.  I'd become some irritation of your past that tried to creep back in and get shooed away, no longer a part of where you are. At the same time I was terrified that you wouldn't find any of it.  That you'd become reclusive, and hide from everything life has to offer.  You'd fall back into your depressi

I've recently been thinking about some of the things I thought I simply wasn't capable of as far as sex and play had been concerned.  Not my limits mind you, but just certain scenarios that I didn't think I could ever deal with due to my past, and how it would affect me now. Thrax and the gnome left me pretty heavily fucked up about a lot of things.  Between rape, being put down for my sex drive, being told my asking to play every few months was pushy and too forceful for a slave it didn't leave me in the best mental shape. Then add in the lies, disregard for my well-being, attempts at manipulation, and totally ignoring what I'd clearly asked of them.  It adds to that pile. I was at a point a year ago where I couldn't imagine co-topping ever again, submitting to any real extent, having someone else present while I topped someone, or having another girl as a third in any way, or my being a third. And it's been a year, I've had a lot of good

After I typed up my last post, I sent it to Lux, because it knocked me a bit too off center to type it up. Which he read. At work. While on the phone. Yea, I probably should have realized he would do that.  Oh well.  He kept himself from tearing up while working, so that's good. I told him that I just needed to keep reminding myself that he isn't anyone else that I've known, or dealt with in the past, and I need to treat it like something new.  He brought up that I say the same thing to him, that I am not his past partners, when he is worried about something that has been an issue with others in the past. Hooray insecurities!  Yea, that might be a reoccurring theme of this post. The next day he asked if he could come down after work, and invade my bed.  As I am not one to say no to the chance to snuggle sexy menfolk all night, I was all for it.  I figured he just needed time to clear his head after accepting the job and realizing everything that needed to get don

A bit of background: I met Kitty in June of 2004.  We were at a larp, and without any intention, wound up sitting up all night talking, instead of going to sleep like we should have.  No introduction before that; we were both simply awake outside the inn, giggling about random horrible thoughts.  A few months later I invited him to stay in the cabin with us, because he didn't know where he was staying, and after that, we started messaging on AIM nearly every day. We would call each other a few days a week and chat on his commute home from work, or when the girlfriend he was living with was busy with whatever else.  Once winter hit, we started hanging out almost weekly, and we would share a tent at events and faires, because we both liked to snuggle, and it was a convenient sleeping arrangement for us. Our friendship became something that no one really knew what to think of.  I could contact him when no one else could, and he would call me having panic attacks instead of his gir

A side note from kinkysexythings, because there is so much more to my life. I make things.  A lot of things.  I have a lot of constructive hobbies, and am actually learning to make enough things to make crafting my job. In the past few weeks, I've made a metric fuckton of stuff, and I thought I show you a couple pictures. So, that is a cotte for Lux.  It's based off a fourteenth century kirtle pattern I used for myself when making my own set of garb.  Yes, I'm swimming in it.  That's because I'm about half his size.  As an idea on proportion, it's supposed to only go to his knee, and comfortably fitted in the chest. Also, those drawings are all mine from high school. Everything that I'm wearing here, I made.  The scale bra is entirely hand woven, and I made up the pattern as I went along.  The scale belt is actually a crocheted base, because I learned to crochet scale into a panel.   Better shot of the back of the belt.  It&#

I often hear men talking about a desire for women with no or little morals.  Whenever they show their excitement over it, it makes my thoughts go Princess Bride all over the place. This does not mean what you think it means. Morals can cover our entire life code.  Being able to set personal limits based on what we believe are the actions of a good and true person, and sticking to them is a sign of strength.  We challenge ourselves with our morals against the obstacles life throws at us. It's not having unprotected sex with new partners, even if it means not fucking when you want to. It means being honest to your partners. Morals help us build bonds between people.  It makes us consistent, reliable partners.  Finding someone with a similar moral code helps find compatible mates that can live together. To live without morals is to live without any regard for yourself or anyone else.  It endangers lives, and destroys our connection to the world. And I suppose if you felt

I saw a post on Fet the other day that made me rage.  Saying that sluts have standards sometimes, and that they need to be taken out on classy dates in order to consider fucking a guy, and that it is what is necessary before fucking is even an option. The fuck now? I mean, I'm all for being careful and picky about partners; it's something I do myself.  I don't fuck people I've just met, and I don't fuck people without chatting a while first. There's a huge difference though. She said she wanted someone to drop a ton of cash to take her out somewhere that she would need to be dressed up, having someone more or less buy their way into her pants.  I just want to become friends with a person first.  Chatting, giggling, finding common interests.  Sex is better when there is a bond, and being able to snuggle and share nerdy ideas afterward makes it just fantastic.  I however, don't want someone to throw money at me.  It feels fake, and I'd much rather

I've been craving power exchange fairly constantly lately, so I thought I might write about it. As a switch, I often look at both sides of exchange fairly carefully with any of my partners.  I find it is easy for me to figure out what they're thinking, and explain things that relate to them. Power exchange is inherently that.  An exchange. And oddly enough, and equal one. Oh yea, that's right.  Two people are in a relationship as equals, even if some elements have some extreme skews to them.  And that makes those people happy, gives consistency, comfort, and fulfills the needs of both people in the relationship. On a base level, they are two people who want to take care of one another, with needs that fit together in a way that makes both their lives easier and happier places to be.  Power exchange with a partner should feel natural, though the addition of real life is what presents the challenge. Domly folk enjoy taking care of a person through guidance.  They w

While perusing facebook, I often see little relationship pictures show up on my feed.  Cute thoughts about what makes someone feel at peace in a relationship, or what they want in a mate.  A lot of the time I'm fine with these, and even find a good number of the cute, or able to relate to them. In the past week though, I've been bombarded with a myriad of these that absolutely make me flail with rage. Lists of things girls want in a mate, and claiming that a good partner shouldn't look at pictures of their preferred gender, like anything they post, or talking to them in any form. I just... the fuck? And people I know post this shit.  It's controlling, over-possessive, and just ridiculous.  As if anyone should call off contact with half the world just to be involved with one person, is insanity. Personally, most of my friends are male.  For someone to tell me that I can't talk to them, or look at the pictures they post, or show appreciation of their life, j

I know I've mentioned being a sociopath on here. It's not a joke when I say it.  Be around me for more than a day or so, and you'll start to see it.  I won't bother to censor my comments, and it'll become startlingly obvious. Due to this, and my love of psychology in and of itself, when something comes up about how the average person perceives a sociopath or a psychopath, I jump at the opportunity to read it, and often giggle at how they believe the mind works. But I'll let you in on a secret. Most of that is wrong. Yes, we do tend to be highly intelligent.  For me at least, this is because of a highly logical mind.  I can think through things with a complex process, which doesn't get clouded by emotionally driven thoughts.  If fact, I don't feel many emotions that other people do.  I often have to fake emotion while I'm with other people because I don't actually feel it myself, and know that not reacting in a similar fashion will cause i

My relationship with Thrax was my first venture into an open relationship.  We saw how well that went though... Most of my relationships prior the other person had demanded, or needed monogamy.  And we know how most of those went as well. Oh well, those aren't what this post is about, so fuck them.  Or don't, more appropriately. When Thrax and I first started opening up our relationship, every girl we knew started contacting me about how I could let him fuck someone else and be OK about it. I gave them all the same explanation. So long as things are taken care of at home, I don't care what extra curricular stuff goes on.  So long as I know I still belong in the spot I'm in, and nothing changes between myself and my significant other, it is their decision to take on other partners.  I just want to know that I am still desired, cared for, and at the end of the day, they think of me as they go to sleep, even if in someone else's bed. I'm not the type of p

I've been seeing a lot of articles getting attention lately, about why you should have sex with your partner every day.  Giving tons of reasons, most of them valid, and a ton of great experience to back it up. However, do I agree with it? Not really. Sure, I'd love to be in a position where I could fuck every day.  Hell, multiple times a day if possible, but that's just my own nymphomania talking. Sex on the regular is awesome, but it just takes the edge off the hunger that's always there.  What I believe is necessary, especially if living with a significant other, is all the small gestures of physical intimacy.  Someone can have sex every day, and have it fall into routine like everything else they do, and begin seeing it as just a normal motion of the day.  We take our partners for granted, without showing them the appreciation and desire they deserve. Quiet snuggles before bed.  Holding the person you care about and kissing them gently on the forehead just b

I'm not the kind of person to use safewords.  I tend to communicate to who I'm playing with fairly clearly, whether verbally, or non-verbally.  In general, the words "No" and "Stop" don't occur unless something is wrong and needs immediate attention.  It's a pretty easy system to understand, follow, and respect. This also goes into why I'm not terribly fond of role-play personally.  The more grey area you add, the more difficult things can become. Top this off with the fact that I always want sex, and my love of CNC becomes something most people dismiss away as not being possible. And you know what?  Those are probably not the people I would trust with it, and they wouldn't have the mind to figure out all the ways which it is easily possible for me. There are a few people out there who I trust absolutely.  Those that could walk up to me at any time, take me to my breaking point, and tiptoe that line until I shatter, and they ge

I've managed to get to the end of all my pre-typed, and scheduled posts, hooray! This last weekend, I spent with Lux at his place.  We both went into it with the intention of violence, snuggles, productivity, and obscene amounts of sex.  He however, was under a ton of stress with everything going on in the next couple weeks, that it turned into more just productivity, some sex, and a lot of snuggling. To be honest though, I enjoyed it all the same.  It was a fantastic escape right after my birthday, and I got to help him get through a lot of things he needed to do.  We'll find time to get around to the violence soon, as it's much more a case of needing to get free time, rather than finding the desire at this point.  He gave me some wonderful gifts (some of which I unfortunately already had, but oh well, he can enjoy them himself) and I saw the chain piece he is making for me, which while still in progress looks gorgeous, and I can't wait to see it finished.  I helpe

I don't really have terribly many limits.  Of course there are the standard ones that most people have, things like kids, animals, and serious permanent damage.  I find that my limits tend to be a bit off from most others though.  I can take a downright serious amount of pain and force compared to the vast majority of people, don't mind things like cutting, or blood, or being bound for long amounts of time.  In fact, I love all of those things. So, I thought I would explain why I have the limits I do have, because they tend to be a bit surprising considering all the things I do enjoy. Pinching- I can take thuddy pain for a good while, and if you keep moving around and giving areas a rest, I can go even longer.  Stingy pain I can take, but not for anywhere near as long, but pinching seriously fucks me up.  I once had someone punching, grabbing, slapping and tearing at me for over an hour and felt nowhere near my limit, then they put a handful of plastic clothespins on me and

I'm realizing, that I have quite a few of these posts at this point.  Oh well, bring on the weird! So, this is less "normal" of a thing, but something that I find surprises everyone that I mention it to.  To the point where I have been told to judge actions not on my own opinion, but on something else entirely, dependent on this.  I still don't understand why, and I likely never will, but that is beside the point. I have mentioned here before that I could easily be classified as a nymphomaniac on some area of the spectrum.  While I'm not constantly looking for someone who would fit the bill of a willing partner, I do constantly want to fuck, or fool around with the people I do enjoy as a partner. What I don't crave though? I honestly never crave cumming, or orgasm. I find so much enjoyment from just the interactions with a fun partner.  Hearing their breathing changes, and the sounds they make, feeling their skin against mine, and grasping at their bo