A New Devious Chapter

I would like to think that I've worked my way past a good sized chunk of what I've dealt with in my life.  Much of the abuse and manipulation and gaslighting and all other forms of shit that's been pushed my way. But, damn, this summer has had some of it creeping up that creates a hell of a brain cycle. Every once in a while I've put thought into why Fusion was so hard on me.  Over time, I've definitely been able to pick it apart a bit more. Overall this summer, with everything going on, I'm feeling very insecure.  Like I'm just an obligation.  Being brought along because people feel like they have to, rather than want to.  And the lack of time when with people when nothing else is happening doesn't help that.  Lack of time spent with others just because they want to see me.  Lack of play outside of events when they feel like they might as well because of the venue.  Lack of desire shown in the same way as it is with others. After Fusion I told

The ride home from Lux was far more smooth than the ride up to his place.  I think the world needed to give me that difficult one so I can appreciate the smoother trips.  The train was calm and quiet, and I got in a bit early, with plenty of time to head from one station to another, so I could catch the next bus home.  A bus that was late showed up a few minutes once I got to my gate, which meant I could catch one about twenty minutes earlier than planned.  It would however, be packed full. Having dealt with much worse recently, I gladly hopped on, grabbing one of the last window seats.  Next to me sat, in one of the last open seats, was this very nice Korean woman.  She was quiet for a while, then offered me candy to start conversation. Yup, I'm an adult and took candy from a stranger.  I did see her pop one into her mouth first, because I'm notoriously careful.  We spoke on and off for a handful of back and forth a few times, until I pulled out my crochet.  Then not onl

I'm home now from my week with Lux, and it was remarkably unremarkable, in the best of ways. There was only one evening where we went out, to a place we had gone to last year, with some excellent food and a long beer list.  We ate far too much food, and enjoyed the place just as much as the first time. Other than that though, it was just calm.  No ton of running around, or events to work.  We took care of our everyday things, and relaxed, and had time together when we could.  We got around to playing a game together that we had intended to for a while, and finally tried the card game I had gotten him for Christmas. Before I went out there I said that I had just wanted a visit with minimal expectation, and just having time together.  We both needed it after how things have been lately.  The summer has been difficult for us, and just time was definitely something necessary. And, while it wasn't some magical experience, it was certainly helpful.  For me, at the very least.

Remember that wedding I mentioned dropping out of recently?  The one Lux was also supposed to be in? So, we got the invites. I got mine the day before heading up to Lux's place.  Squishy handed me the envelope, and I see "[Loki Taviel] and Guest" on the front.  Apparently I had a plus one available.  I wondered why it was worded that way, and thought that maybe they just did that for both myself and Lux because my address was more on hand. The next day, I get up to New York, and Lux mentions one of them asking for his address.  Silly situations with this aside, I tell him that I had gotten an invite with a plus one.  We express our confusion, but create a fun idea. Monday morning he tells me he has his invite in the mail, and he also has a plus one. So, fun idea is in motion.  We will each invite an additional member of our polycules, and take over a table making an awkward situation with everyone.  Openly holding hands and being affectionate with any of our par

Dansa's visit was a very highly needed experiment for her.  She brought her new dog with her, and it would be their first time traveling, the dog's longest time around a kid, and the first time Oliver had another dog stay the night. I will preface this by saying that Oliver is the most patient and well behaved puppy ever, and deserves all the hugs and snuggles he could ever want.  He was far better with the whole situation than I ever could have asked from him, and it made me even more appreciative to have him as a furry baby (because it is absolutely how he sees himself). Dansa's pup did alright with Squishy, especially considering that she got a little too excited at times and started treating this pup like Oliver, which is more than most dogs could ever deal with.  I had to tell her to back off a few times, just so pup could wind down a little. That being said, Dansa is remarkably unaware of her dog.  The pup has developed resource aggression over her, because she

Coming into August, there was very little planned.  The gnome had left the month in the air in regards to taking Squishy, given the hectic nature of the wedding, and said he might only take her for a long weekend.  Camp is the end of summer, right before Squishy starts school, so it isn't an option for me, and means I don't see people there either. Well, after talking to Lux and telling him that the month was empty, I made plans with Dansa.  She said she wanted to come down for a weekend with her new pup, and see how she would get along with Oliver.  That booked up a weekend right in the middle of the month. And a bit over a week ago, the gnome decided he was taking Squishy.  He handed some dates to her without talking to me, and after confronting him to adjust them, which I may talk about later, Squishy agreed to an amount of time she and I both were happier with.  This meant a random week that I wouldn't have a Squishy home. Given how this summer has gone, my immedi

Weekend before last I went to see a friend for the day.  Last year he had asked Lux and I to be in his wedding, and despite the fact that I don't like her, I agreed.  I told them that if at all possible I wanted to be in a suit, and they agreed.  That day, I saw them argue about every little detail of everything. Fast forward a few months, no one has gotten fitted for these suits, but we're all sent links to kilts and jackets on Amazon, and told this is the new plan.  These, while I could attempt to figure out sizing, wouldn't even get close to fitting Lux.  A month later yet, and we're told that they're using one specific kilt shop in Jersey, and everyone needs to go there to get measured. Well, fast forward to a week and a half ago, and no one has gotten measured yet.  They get married in November.  At the same time, every time I talk to them, they can't decide something else.  So without anything ever being solid, and lack of information, and all the cl