A New Devious Chapter

 Squishy going back to school, and doing so remotely hasn't been terribly smooth.  We've had trouble almost every week with one thing or another, but luckily, most of those things were able to be fixed.  She's also on a device provided by the school, so they have software that allows her teachers and the staff to see what she's doing, and either close things, send messages, or even block things in order to keep the kids on task. Last week though, after she was done with class, and as we were finishing up lunch, I got a voicemail from the vice principal of the school.  As I went to call him back, I got a call from my mother, as they had also contacted her.  Apparently she'd spent the day, on her school chromebook, on the day the class got access back to youtube, watching videos when she was supposed to be paying attention to school.  Worse yet, was that those videos all were entirely inappropriate content for her age anyway, not to mention to look at on a school devi

 This year killed a lot of plans for me.  Destroyed a lot of things I had wanted to do, and killed a lot of motivation in its tracks.  It has caused me a lot of anxiety over not doing everything that I've wanted to, but as we pass this six month hump of the pandemic and the effect it has had on society, I'm finding myself coming out of that slump.  As a result, it's giving me more ideas on things I am thinking about starting into.   I'm thinking about a starting a new blog.  Something that covers all the creative things I finish, whether books read, recipes tested, or things made.  Reviews of how I enjoyed them, how they worked, and things I needed to do with them.  I think it'll encourage me to stretch myself more, and think more deeply about all of the arts I consume. It wouldn't stop me from posting here (though I may go down to one post a week, which potentially could mean longer, more in depth writing here as well) as that space wouldn't hold much going

 The pandemic has been going on long enough that there are many times when I need to remind my parents that when the holidays come soon, we can't have a ton of people here.  That no matter how long we've been doing this, it is both irresponsible, immoral, and illegal to have the house packed with people we would normally have. I hear Lux talking about how when it's all over, he wants to meet with friends for orgies, and play with everyone. And here I am, going longer and longer through all of this, and only meeting with friends a handful of times since this all started, which includes invasions.  Time away from groups, avoiding events, and minimizing outings altogether.  Things that I normally associate with recharging, and helping me process and face life a bit better. But, I'm not craving them.  I don't want massive holidays.  I don't want to find a ton of new partners.  I don't want to attend events.  As time goes on with this, I find myself just wanting

 Weeks ago, I put the idea into Lux's head that he should come for Rosh Hashanah.  That it would be a smaller holiday, and we wouldn't be inviting that many people, and still give him enough notice that he could sort of get his mind ready to go and do something again. And coming up to the holiday, I didn't get much notice from him on it.  No real answer either way about him coming to visit, which I understood, but was still difficult, because I wasn't sure what to do in some cases. He did show up though.  Just for a night rather than a full weekend, but time when we didn't have some running about to do, and could just catch up, be silly, and enjoy time together. It was everything I've wanted since the pandemic started.  No massive event, or elaborate adventure.  Just curled up with each other, with nothing remarkable going on.   I remember waking up in the morning, with his arms around me, and while all the sex we had was certainly beneficial for us, just that a

Over the course of lockdown, you would think that I would be getting reliant on the sex toys I have.  That I would actually have a masturbation habit by now, if only due to lack of opportunity to be with a partner.  Especially with the time this summer, where my touch starvation was being taken care of, and my normal sex drive is back and vocal. However, I've found masturbation less and less appealing.  More often than not, I am finding myself feeling like I would rather go without if I can't be with a partner, because it isn't anywhere near as good anyway. And apparently my body agrees. On the rare occasion that I do decide to do anything, not only is it something I get no real satisfaction from, but it goes pretty much nowhere.  Previously, at least I knew that I just had to use a ridiculous amount of force to make my body respond.  That eventually, I would just overstimulate myself, and make my body react that way. Now, my body is almost completely unresponsive.  While I

 Just when I thought it was done.  I honestly thought I had found all the shitty moments from Thrax, the things burrowed into my brain like land mines.  The ones that no matter how much he tries to tell himself that he did nothing wrong, did lasting damage to my brain.  I thought I'd found so many that I'd found them all. But apparently that wasn't the case.  Underneath all the other things that had been done, was at least one more, undiscovered and covered in dust. Until my last visit with Kitty. And it was small, but when he did it accidentally, and then made more comments not knowing what he'd done, it hit like a truck.  Burst from the dust, and I couldn't do much but lay there and cry for a few minutes.  And while trying to navigate what was happening, also trying to tell myself that I was with Kitty, someone I trusted.  Just like every time it's happened with Lux, that didn't matter, and I just tried to navigate back to a level space. It was a week or s

 The first week or so after getting back from Kitty's was tough.  A lot of stress, mostly brought on by others, that started physically settling again. But at the same time, I had an amount of ambition.  Things to do, and projects to juggle.  A routine that involved daily and weekly tasks, both to take care of myself, and things happening.  Not just having to hold time before traveling again meant I could put more on myself, and that was centering in a way, and helped me process all of the stress. And here I am, only about two weeks from when that visit ended, and I'm feeling a bit stressed, but much closer to normal. My mind is telling me that I'm doing alright, in it's own weird way. I'm not just craving touch, sex, or pain.  I'm back to wanting power exchange, to take on service, and centering possessiveness.  Something that while would have been welcome, wasn't on my mind for most of the beginning of lockdown, and over summer.  Now that I'm getting b