A New Devious Chapter

 I'm fried. Since coming home from my trip to see Lux, only a couple of days after I got home, I've had more and more piled onto me that's put my stress levels through the roof.  Squishy has been behaving similarly to last summer, with some even worse things happening, and the gnome is just now realizing what she was doing, reacting poorly toward her which is making things worse, and now minimizing what I dealt with because he had to deal with a whole week at a shot of her being difficult. My parents have been horrendous lately.  I've been trying to manage things happening, and reminding my mother of dates and things that need to be done, and she's either not giving an answer to things until the last minute (then getting upset when someone can't make it to something), or completely ignoring time and what is happening when.  It's made harder because where I can take things on to help, and have generally done so, I need this information from her in order to kn

 I intend to take more classes than I often actually get to.  Sometimes I forget to go looking for them, or sometimes life happens and I forget that there was even a class that day until the evening, when I realize it ended six hours earlier. When I do get to them, it's a mixed experience.  There are times when I know I'm going in just to get information to better help my own classes, with seeing how things are worded, or finding points that I would only touch on, but should instead make a focus.  There are also classes that I find go far too 101 for anyone to really feel engaged with. Sometimes though, we get classes that cover things that we know going in, but are the right reminder at the right time.  And I had one of those recently. Around the same time as what happened in my last post, I sat in on a class about owning one's submissive identity.  It didn't cover many topics that were earth-shatteringly new, but instead posed questions that encouraged finding your ow

While I was at Lux's we watched a youtube video someone put up that after watching, I found myself wanting to do some writing on the subject as well.  Something that I felt some pull to share my own experiences with, because while it seemed obvious to Lux after this long, most people don't know how to navigate.  I had been having some issues with it recently, and thought that perhaps if I shared some information about it, things might have more potential to go well in the future. It took a bit before I finally sat down the write it, but once I looked at the first draft, I sent it to Lux in hopes that he would give it another set of eyes.  The piece itself definitely needed a readover by someone else before I could post it somewhere. The next day, I asked him if he had looked at it, and he said that he hadn't.  I assured him that there was no rush, but he made sure to say that because he said he would do it, he would be sure to do it that night. And when I read that single m

 In  the past month or so, I've managed to have a lot of small moments that really hit hard.  For the most part, they've been really positive, so I want to make sure that I share them here.  They're all a bit different though, which makes me think they'd all make decent posts individually. The first one happened when Lux was here near July 4th.  The week prior I was doing a heavy clean up on my room, and put together all the things that were his that he had forgotten forever, because I was just holding them aside in various places.  Since I was trying to really sort through things, I made up a little bag of it all, and the book I had suggested he read, to give to him when I saw him. And because I am made of anxiety, I worried about doing this.  That he would take the wrong idea from it, and think I was cutting ties in whatever way.  I had second thoughts on giving him back his own things, because I was worried about how he would respond. When he got here though, once we

 I'm home now, and trying to get back to routine, and sorted out for the coming weeks.  I was ready to go home and get back to getting things done, and return to my life, but at the same time, it was hard to leave after two years without a long visit like that, and knowing when I would have the chance for it again.  We're very unlikely to let things take that long again though, which is affirming. Not everything was wonderful though.  On one of my last nights there, Lux had said we would play.  More than just some rough body play, we would use toys, and spend time for a right proper whoopin'.  I cleaned up a bit during the day, and we did a grocery order so that I could make pizza for us for dinner.  Unfortunately, as we sat down to play a silly game, and enjoy the pizza, he got called last minute to essentially work an all nighter. At first I was hoping that we would have time in between the bits of work that he had mentioned.  I didn't realize that everything was brok

 I'm currently at Lux's, on my first long visit just to see him in about two years.  Between the pandemic, and needing schedules to line up, until his recent visit to me, the only thing we've been able to do are those short little overnights at my place. There's certainly been a bit of adjustment again, as we get used to living around each other.  Things like sharing a bed in an apartment I haven't visited to before, and getting things done in a new office space together.  We adjust quickly though, knowing how to work with the other at this point, for the most part anyway.   It's a good break from some things, and I think a necessary change of pace for us both.  There's been lots of little reassurances for us just being us, and moments of talking about where we want different things to go.  Quiet moments of ambition and desire that make me feel happy and driven to make everything work. We also took a day to see some friends that I hadn't seen in a year o

 I noticed myself feeling a certain way after visiting Dansa, and having Scar visit.  I had finished my books for the year, after drawing and editing like mad.  I had then hopped onto making chainmail, which had me working through thousands of rings in just a few days. I was burning out on creating things, and wanted to put those down, but know that I need some sort of projects to work on or I start feeling a bit crappy as well. Well, Squishy left and I started cleaning through my room.  A heavy deep clean through all of my things, and sorting everything out that had found the wrong home.  In looking about, I wound up finding more of my supplies.  This time, some mohair that I had intended to give to Pyre to dye, as well as all my cord and embroidery thread. It reminded me of how much I do, and how much I make.  I decided to make a collection of kumihimo pieces, and made a small shawl in hopes of selling it soon.  Seeing it also made me remember the needlepoint projects that I had on d