A New Devious Chapter

 It's been a year since I wrote that letter to Kitty.  A year to process losing one of the few people in my life that I've ever called my best friend.  Losing someone who was a rock of mine for so long, and seeing him disappear.  And that was the hardest part of it in many ways.  There wasn't something where we grew apart while having contact.  There was just that disappearance on his end (on top of other things) that made it so hard. And with having dealt with that for so long, as well as the silence after the letter (as I still haven't heard a word from him since Oct2020) it's apparently left its own obstacles for me. While I'm still incredibly patient with the important people in my life, and don't need a lot in the scale of things, I'm learning that little reassurances mean a lot.  Especially for the people I don't get to share space with often, little things like sending a link or a gif can be entirely comforting.  Sometimes though, I do still j

 Well, it finally happened.  After four years, the one vibrator I've had that actually worked for me died.  Through all the different shapes and types I had tried, just a simple mini wand was the one sort that actually elicited any response from me. It's not even that I used it terribly often.  Maybe once a week during the most frequent time period, and even that was only for a month or so.  And I did find that about a year ago the motor had started dying, and the battery didn't last nearly as long.  Despite that, it was an inexpensive experiment that lasted me several years, and did the job it needed to. Now that it's gone though, I'm left trying to figure out if I want to replace it or not.  And on that matter, with knowing that there is an amount of bludgeoning that my external genitals can enjoy, would I get the same thing, or upgrade to a more expensive brand.  Knowing how many toys did nothing for me, spending more with the risk of it being a complete failure

 Recently, there was a night where Puppy couldn't get to sleep, and it wasn't yet my normal bed time, so we were chatting.  We were talking about a handful of things from when we were young, and I was explaining about how it has affected how I view people in my life now, because of the poor examples and situations I had growing up.   As a response, rather than saying he's grateful that I've learned to put so much care into people who are decent to me now, or that I've figured out how to navigate things in a healthier way than I'd been taught by my family, he made a comment that had me go off on him a little.  He just said that he was hoping that while he and I have a friendship, he manages to put more of his optimism into my life, because he thinks I deserve.  And he's often commented about how I should just find something to be happy about because he doesn't like me being upset, on several occasions before this. Which put me solidly in the camp that I c

 For as busy as I was trying to get ahead of things in February, I managed to get through just about all the goals I gave myself.  Even with everything my parents threw on me, I paced myself through everything, and got almost my entire list accomplished, with the exception of my second blog, due to Skynet's ridiculous action. It was incredibly satisfying to realize that I either managed through the goals I set, or made well enough progress that it either kept up with timelines, or would allow me to not feel overwhelmed next month.  It was a fairly substantial list, and while I was constantly hopping from one thing to another, I was able to make sure I also gave myself some time in the evenings, or even some weekends to breathe and have space. However, February is truly a catch up month.  There's no ton of birthdays or travel that I ever plan, so I can pile things on, and know I have most days available as standard routine.  This month changes that, with the return of birthdays

A couple weeks ago, Puppy came to spend a weekend here.  I suggested he stay here because of some changes to his living situation, that might make some of what we had planned a little more difficult.  It also gave us a chance to do more things around here, because he's rather clueless to the area since moving away, as both his parents don't really have interest in going to do things. What we did have planned though, was starting the D&D campaign he's running.  I  still feel a bit awkward being part of the game, because the rest of the players are all his brothers and their spouses.  I'm also the person with the most experience, so it's a bit of a process to make sure I'm not just taking over anything going on. It's also the first time seeing Puppy since really mentally processing not having feels for him.  I'm sort of trying to guide things so he understands where I'm at without being so blunt it fucks him up.  It's also a process to navigate

 I was sitting in another room one morning in the beginning of the month, having my coffee, and getting myself sorted for the day.  There wasn't anything on in the room I was in, so I could hear everything else going on in the house, and noticed my father mention my mom getting cards for Valentine's Day.  She said she only got a card for him, and didn't get anything for anyone else this year. And then it started.  He was suddenly super concerned over who was going to get me something this year, asking if it would be Lux.  My mother, in the most condescending tone, commented that he's never gotten me anything for Valentine's ever.  My father was surprised, then asked if Puppy would get me anything.  She said that I wasn't dating Puppy, and they started on about how he seems like he's trying. Then it turned into them saying that he's already done more for me than Lux ever has, and started a huge shitfest on saying that I'm being strung along, and just

 As one would imagine, and with what I've mentioned, I have a lot that I'm juggling to get prepared, or to get caught up on how I prefer to be.  With all of it, I picked up a new planner, that way I can keep track of everything I want to do each month, and week, while making notes on what gets done every day.  I'm managing to keep up, and even get ahead on things conceptually, but it's still a lot. And unfortunately, because my parents don't see me as people, my mother has piled a handful of additional things onto me.  Little dumb things she's demanding I prioritize, due to her dismissing anything I might actually be doing with my time.  Yet more things to juggle into the mix. As if that wasn't enough, the other day she said she wanted to make bread, and asked me to pull down the bread machine.  I asked her about the yeast we have, because I bought it for her at the beginning of the pandemic.  We still had a ton, because I bought a full pound of yeast, so I