A New Devious Chapter

 Since the start of the new year I've been slowly moving back toward all the habits I had early last year.  Because of the summer, being away from home, being more social, and starting a new relationship that is present and healthy, a lot of things went to the wayside in some bad ways.  There's also been some other happenings at home, that have really given a hit to my mental health, which also makes it difficult to do all the things I need to. Squishy has simply not been doing school work.  I'm constantly getting emails about her not handing in assignments, which only require her to push a button.  Most of the grades on the things she does hand in are good, so it's not that she doesn't understand, it's that she just doesn't want to do the work, and would rather play around on discord.  Because all the work is on the computer, it's at the point where I need to have her where I can see her screen to ensure that she's actually doing anything related to

For years, I've written about how I see Valentine's as a day to show love for everyone in your life.  That it's important to me to remove the romance from it, and make love something to celebrate in all forms, and show that to anyone you care about. This year, I have a Rabbit who is silly, cheesy, and encourages actually observing and celebrating holidays together.  Something that honestly, I've never really had. We made plans to spend the weekend after the holiday together, because Squishy had a long weekend, and we've both had a lot going on.  It worked out well as far as I was concerned, because initially it was supposed to be a long weekend after over a week apart, due to his work schedule being messed with.  After the emergency with one of the dogs, it still worked in my head, because we would each get a chunk of time to get our own things taken care of. I was entirely prepared to spend Valentine's apart, and ok with it, because it was something I was used

 The week before Valentine's, I wasn't actually supposed to see Rabbit.  He had some weird days off, which messed with our schedule, and so we would have a full two weeks apart before I spent a weekend with him.  I was looking forward to a productive week, and getting through a ton of things so that I could feel extra caught up before spending time with him. And by now you know that didn't happen. Monday morning I tried to call Rabbit to help him wake up.  He didn't pick up at first, so when I tried again a while later, he answered, sounding exhausted.  He told me that one of the dogs was having a health issue, and so he was panicked all night. After looking some things up, and reassuring him that it wasn't what had happened with his previous dog, I focused on making sure he knew he wasn't alone.  As he got through the day, I tried to be present with him, and provide options, and help with all the steps in the process.  Once he was out of work and had talked to

 I remember for the longest time seeing the idea of couples apps, and shrugging them off.  Thinking that I was above them, because I could manage a relationship myself, and that using any tools was a failure. And then I started thinking about ways to help Rabbit, and keep him on track, or provide some amount of accountability.  Initially, I had wanted a sort of shared to-do list.  Something I could add pertinent reminders to, that he knew we could both see, and so it would stay visible in a way that might keep so many things from falling through the cracks. So I went looking, and the majority of what I had found happened to be a relationship app.  I almost refused to even ask about any of them, because they seemed ridiculous to me.  As I looked at it though, it had all the tools I was looking for, as well as some other cute things.  So I tossed the idea at him, and while it took a week or so for us to get to it, because he still does have ADHD, we finally tried it. We found something a

 For a while, I noticed some of Rabbit's behaviors, and how he would joke about ADHD.  I saw how he was functioning now that there is time and space from his ex moving out, but could see the patterns in his habits.  I had thought those would be things that simply changed with time, and eventually when things fell on him, he would start to be more productive, especially as he felt happier. And yes, I noticed also the things that motivated him, or helped him continue to get things done.  Still though, there were many things that he simply hasn't made progress with, opting instead to continue on this path of least resistance.  Recently, it helped me realize that we're moving out of the honeymoon phase, because I could see how eventually I would wind up frustrated by this, and need to end things. But then, he told me that he actually is diagnosed on paper with ADHD.  That he tried multiple different kinds of meds as a kid, and they all had a horrible effect on him.  So while ma

 One of the biggest conversations that Rabbit and I had coming up to the decision to be together, was one about polyamory.  While I've had multiple serious partners before, and made sure to put effort into all of them, he's only ever had open relationships where he had one serious connection, and the freedom to have sex with others.  In fact, the few times he had a partner who asked for additional relationships, they wound up hurting him, or abandoning him soon after. And that's an entirely valid reason to not feel safe with trying.  Still, whenever the subject came up, I mentioned that he might feel different if he saw he was still being taken care of.  Constantly with the thought process that he might change.  While he didn't seem opposed, he was definitely uncomfortable, and I only realized a couple of weeks after the last time that it came up how self centered the idea was. Sure, I may be capable of polyamory, I don't actually know if I need it.  I've never

 Health issues are nothing new to me.  Almost everyone closest to me has a myriad of mental and physical maladies, which I have learned the workings of, and have gotten used to.  They come with rules, and everyone has learned to manage them as well as possible. And now I have a Rabbit, who also comes with his own collection.  His biological parents weren't the best during pregnancy, which has caused him to grow up with a lot of interesting things.  He has an assortment of allergies which are nice in some ways, and difficult in others, a pile of digestion issues which have a lot of rules, and some other medical things that make him feel mentally uncomfortable. It's lead to him always checking with me.  Asking if I actually love him so much that I don't want to run away.  Having him feel anxious or shameful, because of things that are just the way his body works. And then I read something that clicked.  It talked about the price of admission to have a person in your life.  If