A New Devious Chapter

 Since being sick, I've been trying to get back on track with everything, and caught up with many others.  It's tough, and means that I've had to be extra on top of everything I'm doing every day in order to be sure I'm making progress on getting back to where I should be.  Top that off with how spring is always a bit of madness with so much going on, and it means things are a bit more stacked against me in not just getting caught back up, but ahead as much as I want to be. I've been trying to use every pocket of time that I get to record, as I'm at a point where it feels like every piece of the story I'm reading is super long, and each entry is a full recording, rather than being able to get through swathes at a time.  Those long recordings also take time to edit, before turning into a video, although I am getting faster.  Luckily, I've been on top of getting ahead with drawing, so I technically have everything I need to do finished for that, and am

 It's been about twenty years since I've been on a plane.  Not only that, but both times I was on a plane previously I was with my parents, and I've never left the country.  While I typically have realistic ideas on what to expect in different places, doing new things in regard to travel makes me very anxious. And I've just realized recently that in only a couple of weeks, I'm going to be flying over an ocean with just my boyfriend to meet his family for the first time.  I know I'll be overpacking in some ways, but no more than I would on any other trip.  I'm making sure to account for many things I know Rabbit won't think of, and trying to be on top of everything, as I know how forgetful he is.   At the same time, I'm trying to be as minimal with packing as possible.  I want to make sure I have room for souvenirs, and with probably staying with different family, don't want to have too much to keep track of.  Not to mention that in regards to fam

 At the beginning of the month, Squishy was supposed to spend a weekend with the gnome.  A short, normal weekend that initially I was planning on just spending time getting ahead on creating things, because I want to have things done through my trip out of the country fairly soon.  Rabbit wanted to try and move things around so that he would have the chance to go fishing, and so I suggested that so long as I could go home early, I could spend most of the weekend with him.  I would just need to either bust my butt to get through editing, or he would need to make a little gremlin cubby for me to be able to record. So I packed a small bag, and tried to spend some time at his place getting some little things done.  The Saturday that I was at his place, while he was at work, I get a message from the gnome.  He says that Squishy doesn't feel well, and I recommend that she take a test.  Before he even told me that she tested positive, he said she could quarantine there.  I tested, then ca

 In all my back and forth with Instagram, I've kind of settled into mostly using it as a way to find cute things to send to Rabbit.  Some of them are flirty, and some of them talk about aspects of relationships we identify with in good ways, and once in a while things about healing, which we're both still very much doing. And one day, while sending silly things about butts, I found a video that simply mentioned "Who you are now, is who would have made you feel safe as a child."  As I sat with it, tears came to my eyes, and ran down my face.  I only really let myself think about it for a few moments at the time, but it was true. I grew up having no idea what safe was.  That feeling on eggshells was normal, and having to hide everything about myself.  That sharing things got you harmed, and that everyone was in a position of power over you.  I've grown up learning how not to be.  How to create a balanced space.  Wanting to be nothing like the people who raised me, a

 February really was full of a lot of hard talks with Rabbit, where we both wound up in a processing space to understand everything that the other had been through.  It left us feeling closer, but drained, and wishing just for some boring time together. One of those times was my sharing how I found out about the gnome cheating on me, the lies inside of that, and the horrible things pertaining to it that just got worse the longer you looked at it.  We went into some of the abuse he put me through, how it's affected me in the long run, and how I deal with it now. And his first response while on the phone, was asking if he was allowed to cause him harm.  Saying that he didn't know how I wasn't expecting him to go murder him. So I told him, that while none of what he did was ok, and none of it is something anyone should deal with, I've used it as something to learn from rather than letting myself be a victim.  It's taught me in a way how to be a better person for him, a

 Since the start of the new year I've been slowly moving back toward all the habits I had early last year.  Because of the summer, being away from home, being more social, and starting a new relationship that is present and healthy, a lot of things went to the wayside in some bad ways.  There's also been some other happenings at home, that have really given a hit to my mental health, which also makes it difficult to do all the things I need to. Squishy has simply not been doing school work.  I'm constantly getting emails about her not handing in assignments, which only require her to push a button.  Most of the grades on the things she does hand in are good, so it's not that she doesn't understand, it's that she just doesn't want to do the work, and would rather play around on discord.  Because all the work is on the computer, it's at the point where I need to have her where I can see her screen to ensure that she's actually doing anything related to

For years, I've written about how I see Valentine's as a day to show love for everyone in your life.  That it's important to me to remove the romance from it, and make love something to celebrate in all forms, and show that to anyone you care about. This year, I have a Rabbit who is silly, cheesy, and encourages actually observing and celebrating holidays together.  Something that honestly, I've never really had. We made plans to spend the weekend after the holiday together, because Squishy had a long weekend, and we've both had a lot going on.  It worked out well as far as I was concerned, because initially it was supposed to be a long weekend after over a week apart, due to his work schedule being messed with.  After the emergency with one of the dogs, it still worked in my head, because we would each get a chunk of time to get our own things taken care of. I was entirely prepared to spend Valentine's apart, and ok with it, because it was something I was used