A New Devious Chapter

I'm pretty sure I mentioned recently, that my parents were going to be out of town earlier this week.  Well, Lux didn't make it down for the visit to take advantage of the time, but I did what I could to make the most of it, which I'll discuss in the coming weeks. I did however, try to get as much done every day as I could, which included going out of my way to take care of the house however I could anticipate.  Squishy even commented on how much she liked the quiet of them being gone, and how involved she felt in the day when she got home. My parents called, and were talking to Squishy as they were on the way home.  She was talking about all the things we had done, and my mom asked why I was so much nicer when they were gone. When the call ended, Squishy repeated it all, as kids do, and I pointed out that it's a lot easier to be in a good mood, and do more, and go out of the way to do things when I don't have two people spending every day telling me I

There was a good amount of traveling over the summer, which inspired a lot of writing, and kept everyday life off of this blog for a bit. Welp, we've had a lot of everyday life going on, and a bit less adventure, so it's time for a general update. Squishy has started a new school, which starts an hour earlier than her old one.  It means a change in morning routine for she and I, and it's been going fairly well, but is still not the easiest yet.  Overall, she's enjoying the new school, and getting to meet new kids, which is great news. I am rebuilding a project I had made for Dansa earlier this year.  It didn't fit as intended, so I tore half of it apart, and I'm fixing it to fit differently with the rest of the yarn she had given me a while back.  Hopefully I have enough yarn with the changes. My parents are going out of town to visit a friend next weekend, which means a bit of a mess while I keep reminding them of everything to do in the short amount of

Dansa's visit was a very highly needed experiment for her.  She brought her new dog with her, and it would be their first time traveling, the dog's longest time around a kid, and the first time Oliver had another dog stay the night. I will preface this by saying that Oliver is the most patient and well behaved puppy ever, and deserves all the hugs and snuggles he could ever want.  He was far better with the whole situation than I ever could have asked from him, and it made me even more appreciative to have him as a furry baby (because it is absolutely how he sees himself). Dansa's pup did alright with Squishy, especially considering that she got a little too excited at times and started treating this pup like Oliver, which is more than most dogs could ever deal with.  I had to tell her to back off a few times, just so pup could wind down a little. That being said, Dansa is remarkably unaware of her dog.  The pup has developed resource aggression over her, because she

Coming into August, there was very little planned.  The gnome had left the month in the air in regards to taking Squishy, given the hectic nature of the wedding, and said he might only take her for a long weekend.  Camp is the end of summer, right before Squishy starts school, so it isn't an option for me, and means I don't see people there either. Well, after talking to Lux and telling him that the month was empty, I made plans with Dansa.  She said she wanted to come down for a weekend with her new pup, and see how she would get along with Oliver.  That booked up a weekend right in the middle of the month. And a bit over a week ago, the gnome decided he was taking Squishy.  He handed some dates to her without talking to me, and after confronting him to adjust them, which I may talk about later, Squishy agreed to an amount of time she and I both were happier with.  This meant a random week that I wouldn't have a Squishy home. Given how this summer has gone, my immedi

Last week Squishy, my mom, and I went down to Atlantic City to do some stuff before the gnome's wedding (more on this soon) when Squishy would obviously need to leave and be there.  It was stupidly hot out, but we did our wandering about, and had fun, and Squishy got a bit spooked for no reason, though admitted to enjoying herself. We grabbed some ice cream for the long walk up the boardwalk, and back to the car, though it wasn't enough to keep Squishy or my mom from melting in the heat.  While on the walk though, a younger girl actually stopped me to compliment my makeup.  Considering that I don't do the standard full beat most people do, I appreciated her noticing as she walked past. As she took a few steps away though, I heard ma quietly say in the most demeaning tone "Aw, the little hooker likes your makeup" as though she wasn't even a person. And I stopped her, in the sun, with my daughter right there. I told her that I didn't know what she di

A couple weeks ago, Squishy took a day off a school, because he had a bunch of absent days to burn, and it was going to be nice out.  She still got up early, and as we were about to go put ourselves together for the day, I noticed something that acknowledged pride month. I asked her if she knew what pride month was, even on a surface sort of way, and was told no.  So I explained, that while she has been taught that people love who they love, and are whatever gender they may happen to be, that they have to fight to be seen and treated as people, and now use pride to acknowledge that fight, and celebrate being themselves.  I also told her what LGBT means if she sees it out somewhere. After telling her the list of sexualities in the acronym, Squishy hugged me, checking if I was bisexual.  I told her no, but said that lots of people that she sees who are my friends are bisexual or gay.  I reminded her that I'm Agender, and explained being cisgender when she said she definitely felt

I often have to encourage Squishy to speak up for herself, especially at home.  My parents follow that old mindset that they have say over people younger than them, and don't need to ever consider them ever. It's caused a ton of issues with Squishy's comfort and appearance, which I have needed to help with in secret more than I should have to admit to. The other morning, my mom, who is a hairdresser, called Squishy in while she was getting ready for school, saying there was something she wanted to do with Squishy's hair.  I knew it would likely be something she didn't like, just out of past experience.  A moment later, I heard Squishy asking about it, and my mom making statements like "I want this here" and "If you don't do this, I'm just going to cut your hair off".  And it's unfortunate, because they are so heavily ignorant to their own abuse that I can't speak up without also being targeted.  If I tell them that she needs

I know I said things would calm down after last month. I lied. In the last two weeks or so I've been completely insane with everything going on.  Two birthdays to prep for, one holiday (more on that soon) to get everything ready for, and keeping Squishy prepped for a ton of things in school now that her school year is winding to a close soon.  Art for books is being done, writing for my first cook book finally, crochet prep for Fusion, practicing dancing with swords, and a thousand other things. I feel like every day lately is a mad rush to see what I can actually fit into the day.  At the same time, I'm trying to juggle being present and giving people plenty of time, which I will always prioritize, because I would want them to do it for me if I needed it. It's a whirlwind, to say the least. Luckily, today is Easter, and while on one hand that means a lot of what I've done is now being utilized and I get to enjoy it, it also means that today after dinner, I ge

I get a lot of flak in my day to day for not sticking to the societal standard life escalator.  Partially because I had a lot of shit thrown on me early on which has made that less accessible, and also due to the fact that I have never been interested in that cookie cutter life plan.  It results in a lot of people asking if I'll ever be successful with anything, because to them, if I'm not following that life escalator, I'm not doing anything. But when you break it down, I succeed at so many things. For a year I've published at least one book every month, by myself.  Regardless of the money it makes, that requires a ton of work and self discipline.  I continue to work on this, with plans of doing even more in the future (which I am actively working on). I've survived abuse, with very little support.  Instead, when I speak up about abuse to my blood relatives, I'm met with more abuse.  I have learned to communicate and be a healthy partner the hard way, a

I know I said that things were calming down, and I swear they are comparatively. There is just a lot happening over the next few months that you'll hear about over time. Dansa visited last weekend, as a social catch up, and some down time for us both.  I needed to give her the present I had made for her (which she enjoyed) and she had yarn for me from her stash, both that simply needed to be turned into something, and to attempt to finish a project she had already given up on. Where Squishy was supposed to go with the gnome, she wound up coming home sick on Thursday with a fever, and I wasn't going to send her with him while she wasn't doing well.  Luckily, we had antibiotics on hand from when she had gotten sick a few months ago and didn't need it, so I could put her on them right away, and she's now doing much better. However, that meant I had to split myself between being present for both of them, which is part of being a parent, but something I like to avo

Finally, a month after most other homes, we're done with the holidays!  The week of birthdays finished with Squishy's party last weekend, and now all the big celebration is done for a while. Unfortunately, I'm noticing some amount of SAD kicking in, which is not helpful to everything going on, but hopefully will peter off a bit with things calming down. Squishy's party was pretty simple.  Only two of the four kids she invited showed up, and they mostly played upstairs.  At one point I went to grab them to do cake, and found them playing in makeup (Squishy has some of my older stuff I don't use) and faces covered.  I had to grab my baby oil to scrub their faces, and they of course asked if it was made from babies.  It should go without questioning that I said yes. She was happy though, and her one friend's mom offered to have her stay the night, so we sent her off because she had no school the next day. This should also give me more time to work on things

So, this is going to be awkward, and really weird. I was running errands ten years ago, yesterday.  Doing small bits of running around, and we stopped for lunch. I remember looking at the menu, and saying out loud "What will put me into labor?"  So I picked a pepperoni calzone.  While we were out, we picked up a cake.  Because it was my brother's birthday.  He also only said he wanted sandwiches for his birthday dinner, so we picked up a mix of subs, and let that be it. Home we went, and I felt normal.  We got through the afternoon, and I got some things done.  While sitting down at dinner, I noticed myself feeling uncomfortable, but nothing beyond tolerable, and I was told that if I were really in labor I wouldn't be able to function. Oh, my pain tolerance. We had dinner, and were having cake, and I went to the bathroom.  And while in there, I noticed that while I had finished using the bathroom, I could hear that liquid was still happening.  There I sa

Before the start of her winter break, Squishy and I had a morning where we could actually spend talking about a bunch of different things.  It had started with personal responsibility and not using anything as an excuse to be a poor person (anger management allowing someone to just be malicious as an example).  More of that another day though. We also went into talking about gender, transgender people, nonbinary people, and the like.  We've had those discussions before, but apparently she wasn't listening, because she didn't remember it at all.  On the bright side, she was receptive to all of it, and when I told her about me being Agender, she said it made sense.  I also at some point mentioned drag.  I explained it as an exaggeration of gender, both for entertainment purposes, and to express oneself in an uncensored way.  I told her that she would probably love seeing a drag show, because they're big silly things with lots of flash and personality. And while she

A couple days before Christmas, Squishy was supposed to be working on some stuff, and while I needed to make a dessert, I was looking for a movie to throw on as background noise.  After not being able to find what I had wanted to watch as a free stream, and feeling lazy enough to not want to walk over the movie closet, I settled on Austin Powers, which Squishy ran from.  Unfortunately, she's had so much wonderful reinforcement from her father and my parents that she now fights the idea of anything new in any way.  Wonderful. Anyway, after about ten minutes I call her in for a dopey funny part, and she winds up glued to the movie for the duration.  As I listened though, and watched bits while baking, I noticed what was censored. See, this was my sister's favorite movie for a long time.  I saw it in theatres, and we all had the movie memorized for a long time.  I am very familiar with every moment of this movie, and every little change. And oh, was there a lot of changes.

Squishy, being a kid, often writes some interesting things on school work. Things like in kindergarten, where all the other kids wrote "family" or similar around Thanksgiving, Squishy wrote that she is thankful for pumpkin pie.  This was cute, and lighthearted, and something we kind of expected. They're not all this way though. So, since she was an infant, Squishy has enjoyed getting her back patted.  Not just light gentle patting though.  Good solid thumps to the shoulderblades.  Genetics!  Even now, if she hugs me, she will fall asleep if I start thumping on her back. Last year at Mother's Day, she wrote in a book that she likes "When mommy hits my back".  Needless to say, when she told me she wrote this, I regularly asked if she was questioned about it at school, because to anyone not aware, that looks real wrong.  Luckily, if you haven't guessed, everything was fine. This year, knowing that she has written this in the past, I was a bit wo

This week is madness, but in so many good ways. On Tuesday, we had to take the pup back to the shelter.  When we first got him, he was heartworm positive, and so the shelter wouldn't adopt him out fully until he was done with treatment.  That meant that he was only considered a foster for the several months he stayed with us until this point.  In many ways, that was good, because had he not worked out, we could return him, without breaking any contracts, or having paid for him. Well, he took the ride to the shelter, got a quick test, and he's heartworm negative.  The people at the shelter very nearly forgot that we needed to actually pay for and sign for him to be fully adopted until we had asked them about it.  A short wait later, and some paperwork done, and he's now officially no longer a shelter dog, and has a home for what might be the first time in his life.  He's snuggled up with my butt right now, so I'm pretty sure he's happy here. Lux is taking o

Squishy has definitely started the transition out of being a little kid lately, and it's been reminding me of a lot of things.  Either that, or it's really funny. On the more humorous side, one day, I was in the shower at night, and she knocks on the door.  She needed to use the bathroom, and wanted to pop in while I was finishing showering.  I had no problem with it, and didn't find it weird, so I let her in.  After stalling for an extra minute or so in the hot water, I got out of the shower, and she was still in the bathroom.  As I grabbed my towel, expecting it to be the normal thing is usually is, she covered up her face.  I asked what was up, and she said she didn't want to see me naked.  I asked if she hit the age where that was weird finally, and she said yes.  I asked if that was the case, if she would stop bothering me to take a shower with me.  She was quiet.  I told her she couldn't have both, and she told me to wear a swim suit in the shower.  My kid

In the week of everything blowing up, my mom got a call from her brother for Channukah.  They caught up for a bit, and during that talk, he told her that he'd volunteered our house for a birthday party in April for both him and his twin brother.  Y'know, the physically abusive one, that I'd been promised I would never see again. You'd think given the promises made to me, and wanting to actually protect your own kid, my mom would have told him that my one uncle isn't welcome. You'd think. When I was told this, I brought that up.  My mother's response was simply "Well they decided." So, because they volunteered our house, and us to throw them a party, it doesn't matter that they're abusive apparently. I told her that I would find a way to be absent as soon as I found out the dates. She threw a huff, and said that Squishy was staying so she could see the one decent uncle. Except, I spoke to Squishy, and she repeated

I'm not sure if I've mentioned my pseudo nephew here, but know I've mentioned his parents.  His father was my brother's best friend literally since I was born, and his girlfriend has been around for over a decade. Their son, Red, is a couple years younger than Squishy, only being in first grade where she is in third. And, in the just over a year he's been in school, he's assaulted at least four kids.  Not just a small shove either.  The last one he smashed another kid's head into a bench. He's continually attacked Squishy, and destroyed her things, lying to us repeatedly about it afterward when we'd either seen it happen or his reasoning were things we knew couldn't happen. Some of their friends no longer allow their kids near him, because he attacks them so often. And you know what her response is? "Well, he's just a boy.  He's just like his dad.  He isn't violent at all." Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

Years ago, I was talking to Squishy about friends of mine, and how they married, and both female.  She questioned it for a second, and when I simply said that people can marry whoever they choose to, and for whatever reason, she accepted it without any question. I remember her friends coming over, and not believing her when she would say it.  Saying that it couldn't possibly be true, while my daughter just simply agreed that people should be able to love and marry whoever they choose. Sure, it's a good thing, and speaks volumes for how we often hold the beliefs we are told to have early in life, but that isn't what this is about. This is about something a lot funnier. I'm talking with Squishy the other day, and mentioned a friend of mine, and then that turned into her asking if I had a boyfriend, and then asking if I had a secret boyfriend, and then asking if I had a girlfriend. And upon that, instead of the "No" I gave the other two, I said "Na